Otherwise, something like this might happen: Also, again, I am no astronaut, but I have to think the people manning space missions have at least some basic understanding of how their craft works, and know a little bit about astronomy. This line kind of makes me laugh because it sounds like something the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer would say. But I guess "they would rapidly asphyxiate if you did" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.Īnd all this science I don't understand / It's just my job five days a week / A rocket man, a rocket man Also, there's the small matter of the atmosphere being 95 percent carbon dioxide. "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids"? Why not? Substandard school systems? High crime rates? Exorbitant bus fees? Afraid your kids would have trouble making friends with the little Martian children? Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's because it's "cold as hell" (this is true) and because "there's no one there to raise them if you did" (also technically true, I guess, but what?). I was kind of on the fence as to whether these lyrics were really that bad until I got to this little chestnut. Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids / In fact, it's cold as hell / And there's no one there to raise them if you did What kind of man do they think he is at home? I mean, this song was written before the profession of astronaut reached sub-janitorial levels of respect, and once-proud men like Buzz Aldrin had to resort to vicious physical attacks to protect their dignity, so there's no reason he would've had to lie about his job. Is this a commentary on the "timelessness" of the rocket man's flight, meant to give us a window into the effects on the psyche of isolation in the inky blackness of space? My guess is no, but what do I know? I'm not a filthy, pathetic astronaut.Īnd I think it's gonna be a long, long time / Till touchdown brings me round again to find / I'm not the man they think I am at home / Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man / Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone The lesson here is, of course, don't fuck with a guy who walked on the fucking moon.Īctually, Sir Elton and co-writer Bernie Taupin switch tenses twice during this verse, giving us the rare and delicious trifecta of past, present, and future all wrapped up in a few short lines.
Actually, I only mention Aldrin so I can link to this video of him punching a guy in the face. would be spinning in his grave if he were dead. Switching tenses within the verse? Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. I miss the earth so much I miss my wife / It's lonely out in space / On such a timeless flight Does NASA drug astronauts to make the launch more bearable? Unlikely. I'm thinking the "zero hour" is when his space rocket is supposed to take off, but why is he going to already be high as a kite when that time arrives? Is he going to take hallucinogenic drugs? That seems like a questionable idea. They're kind of pretty but don't really make sense. Today our space program is in shambles, and astronauts are reviled and cannot walk down the street without being spit upon by small children. America's brave "rocket men" were hailed as heroes, showered with meats and cheeses (not literally), and probably, I don't know, had their pictures on stamps and things of that nature. The moon had been conquered, its moon-men subdued and enslaved, and Mars was just around the corner. Oh, for the halcyon days of the Cold War, when the "space race" or whatever they called it allowed us to compete with the hated Russkies without blowing each other to smithereens. And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then She packed my bags last night pre-flight / Zero hour, nine a.m. If that's not awesomely bad, I don't know what is.
As far as I'm concerned, there is only one version of this song, and it's this one.
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